Frequently Asked Questions

How does Montclair Divorce Mediation work?
Instead of fighting with each other about every issue concerning a divorce through the New Jersey court system, which is time consuming and very costly, the parties meet with a trained divorce mediator. Over the course of several sessions the divorce mediator works closely with the divorcing couple to identify their assets, liabilities and issues affecting them. The divorce mediator will facilitate discussions in a non-threatening environment in order to achieve the divorcing couples' goals and arrive at a divorce settlement agreement that both parties feel is reasonable and fair.

How long does the divorce mediation process take?
Generally, the parties meet with the divorce mediator in sessions which last 1-2 hours in length, or may go longer if progress is being made and time permits. The number of divorce mediation sessions depend upon the issues affecting the parties such as division of assets, debt allocation, parenting issues, as well as the parties being prepared for the sessions

How does divorce mediation differ from going to court?
Divorce litigation is an adversarial process whereby the parties utilize attorneys who advocate as best they can for their client, which often results in negative encounters between the opposing sides. Divorce attorneys exchange information through discovery, which is the method used in the litigated cases. The information is exchanged through interrogatories, which are a series of written questions answered by the opposing party under oath. Documents must be presented, such as three to five years worth of credit card statements, tax returns, and bank statements, to name a few.

There could also be subpoenas served on individuals, organizations or companies to obtain information from them about the opposing party. In some cases, the parties and others are deposed, which is a process whereby a person answers questions under oath in the presence of the divorce attorneys and a court stenographer. Depending on the complexities of the case, each side may hire their own experts. These experts may include accountants, appraisers, employability evaluators, child therapists, business appraisers, actuaries, psychiatrists, and pension evaluators. The divorce litigation process is very adversarial and is geared to amassing information to benefit your side while weakening the opposing side so that a judge will rule in your favor after a trial is conducted.

Divorce mediation differs significantly from divorce litigation. The divorce mediation, and the Montclair Divorce Mediation process in particular, is non-adversarial, encouraging the parties to work together to reach a mutually beneficial agreement. This is accomplished by coaching and guidance provided by the divorce mediator. Because there is less fighting involved, divorce mediation helps the couple stay focused on the best interests of the children. The divorce mediator will assist the parties through a combination of techniques to reach a solution that is best for their entire family. Montclair Divorce Mediation allows the parties to make their own important decisions about their lives rather than having a judge decide their future. Divorce mediation is also significantly less expensive than litigating the case, which depending on the issues involved can easily exceed $50,000.00, for each side.

Are all New Jersey Divorce Mediators the same?
In addition to utilizing different approaches to the divorce mediation  process, the qualifications of divorce mediators are vastly different. At Montclair Divorce Mediation, mediator Nick De Metro is a licensed New Jersey attorney who previously handled many New Jersey divorces. He saw how destructive the divorce process could be without mediation, and decided to dedicate his professional expertise to handling divorce mediation exclusively. Other New Jersey divorce mediators may not be attorneys at all, and few attorneys solely limit their practice to divorce mediation.

How much does Montclair Divorce Mediation cost?
Most New Jersey divorce mediators charge on an hourly basis similar to New Jersey divorce attorneys. This could quickly add up as hourly rates for qualified mediators range from $300.00 to $600.00, for all time spent on your file. At Montclair Divorce Mediation we take a radically different approach. We believe that it's of paramount importance for divorcing couples in New Jersey to concentrate on communicating and achieving a fair and reasonable settlement without the additional concern of increasing hourly fees. As a result, Montclair Divorce Mediation charges a flat fee for review of all documents and conducting divorce mediation sessions leading up to and including the preparation of the document which details your settlement. There are no hidden fees.

What are the benefits of divorce mediation in New Jersey?
Divorce mediation through the assistance of a skilled divorce mediator at Montclair Divorce Mediation provides couples in Northern New Jersey with opportunities for positive communication and mutual cooperation so they are able to seek useful solutions to their divorce issues. The couple retains control over their lives and their future by deciding what is best for them and their family without the adversarial judicial system. The divorce mediation process is far less costly than litigating through the New Jersey courts. Divorce mediation also takes significantly less time than going through the litigation process. New Jersey couples that are able to decide with the assistance of a well-trained divorce mediator as to what is a fair and reasonable settlement have far less post divorce disagreements which require court intervention.

What are some of the issues discussed in divorce mediation?
While each marriage has its own unique issues, some of the more common issues discussed during the divorce mediation process include:

• the division of family assets including the marital residence and bank accounts.
• how to handle joint marital and individual debts
• retirement accounts
• investment properties
• child custody
• child support
• spousal / alimony support
• parenting time
• future child education costs
• relocation
• tax considerations

How can we be productive in divorce mediation when we can't talk to each other?
The presence of a trained divorce mediator dramatically changes the interpersonal dynamics of the divorcing couple. A qualified divorce mediator has the skills necessary to foster constructive communications between the couple. Through the process, the couple comes to understand that it's in the best interests of their family to work together with the assistance of the divorce mediator to reach a fair and reasonable settlement.

Are there different approaches to divorce mediation?
There are three main models of practice used by divorce mediators. They are facilitative mediation, evaluative mediation and transformative mediation. Montclair Divorce Mediation utilizes a unique combination of all three models in a practical goal oriented approach. We have found that this synergistic approach works best to help assist couples communicate and arrive at a fair and reasonable settlement agreement. However, there are New Jersey mediators who may adhere to just one of the three models of approach to mediation and couples should be aware of the differences between each model.

Facilitative mediation emphasizes a process in which the couple is more actively involved in making the decisions that affect their lives. It involves systematically identifying issues through collaborative communication and problem solving. Facilitative divorce mediation is more focused on getting the couple to communicate with each other rather than achieving a resolution or settlement. The facilitative mediator typically does not offer options, propose solutions, or even opine about the fairness of a proposed agreement. The fairness of the agreement is left to the couple to decide, rather than what may be the standard of fairness.

Evaluative mediation is based upon a settlement conference format. The divorce mediator will assist in evaluating the positions of the couple and offer substantive knowledge and experience. In evaluative divorce mediation, the divorce mediator may have individual sessions with each of the parties and/or utilize shuttle diplomacy. This is effective when communication breaks down when the couple is in same room. In those instances, the mediator will separate the couple and relay proposals to keep them communicating. Settlement is the primary goal of evaluative mediation and usually it is placed ahead of any process.

The purpose of the transformative mediation model is to effectuate a change in the couple's communication style and how they deal with each other. The idea is to transform the relationship of the couple and is geared more towards therapy than divorce mediation. The transformative mediator is more concerned with each person's empowerment, recognition and changing the quality of their interactions with the other than with seeking a settlement. The transformative divorce mediation process seeks to positively alter the couple's interactions so that permanent change could occur and the couple find their own way through the conflict.

If we already started New Jersey divorce litigation can we still mediate?
Absolutely. The New Jersey Superior Court Chancery Division Family Part strongly encourages divorcing litigants to mediate their cases. The litigation can be placed on administrative hold while the parties' divorce attorneys are available for consultations and advice, but the divorcing couple with the assistance of the divorce mediator work at formulating a settlement rather than continue to pay thousands of dollars in monthly legal fees.