"Until you know the angry and frightened parts of yourself, they make the decisions for you."
​-GARY ZUKAV

THE EMOTIONAL STAGES OF DIVORCE

Going through a divorce is rated as one of the most stressful life events. Although people may respond differently to divorce, there is a set of common, emotional stages that most individuals progress through during the divorce process. It is clear to those of us who have litigated many divorces and provided divorce mediation for many more, that the stages of divorce are similar to those experienced when mourning the death of a loved one. In fact, ending a marriage is akin to experiencing a death. Just as you would mourn the loss of a family member, you will find that you will mourn the loss of your marriage. You may not expect this, but it is natural.

The end of your marriage results in the loss of many of your hopes and dreams such as growing old with your mate, sharing the growth and development of your children, and traveling together when you retire. Once the marriage ends, holiday celebrations will change, your financial situation will change, and you'll spend less time with your children if you have shared custody. All of the wishes that you had for your marriage end when the marriage ends. It's a very painful and traumatic life event.

​In divorce mediation, it is important to recognize the emotional stages of divorce. At Montclair Divorce Mediation we are able to help couples better understand what they are feeling and how to manage their emotions and expectations throughout the divorce mediation process. It is not uncommon to repeat stages, get stuck at a stage for a prolonged period of time, or even have the stages overlap. It's normal to feel helpless and to feel fear and anger towards your prior mate. During those periods when the storm clouds are overhead and you feel there's no end to your suffering, remember to remain hopeful. The good news is that eventually you will heal, and be able to create a new life for yourself.

Keep this list of the emotional stages of divorce somewhere where you can access it easily so you know where you are and where you are going.

Montclair Divorce Mediation, Montclair, NJ is dedicated to the divorce mediation process. We can help divorcing couples avoid the most difficult part of divorce - litigation. The divorce mediation process will not negate the stages of divorce, but in all successful cases, it does make the entire divorce process far less painful emotionally and financially.